Why I Hate Driving in Atlanta: A Lesson on Core Fears

Atlanta consistently ranks as one of the top 1-3 worst cities for driving in the US. I have gotten burned out on driving and slowly turned into a hermit who prefers not to leave home. To put it in therapy terms, I’m avoiding. Specifically, I am avoiding things that would bring me enjoyment such as social outings, going shopping, and going out to eat.

Recently, I noticed this pattern of avoidance and thought, “Dang it, I’m not taking my own advice as a therapist.” How can I preach approach toward anxiety triggers in the office and then live in a cycle of avoidance in my own life? I’m not trying to be a hypocrite here.

I decided to investigate my emotions and core fears around driving. Weirdly, I’m not avoiding driving due to a fear that I’m going to be injured or die in a car accident (although, I acknowledge that fear is present). In a way (the weird, twisted way that the mind works in these situations), a terrible accident would take all responsibility out of my hands. Someone else would have to drive the ambulance to the hospital. I would be much more perturbed to be in a minor car accident that wastes time and money and puts my car at risk of further damage while dealing with said accident.

At the core, what I’m connecting with is a problem with how vigilant I believe that I need to be while driving to avoid difficulty. It feels like so much mental and emotional effort to have a safe drive that (in my mind) it will drain me of energy and deprive me of any possible enjoyment that I could experience from whatever event I would have attended. Rather than anxiety/panic, my main avoidance-triggering emotions are irritability/annoyance/anger/frustration. Why oh why did that pothole have to pop up and ruin my day? It’s the pothole’s fault for triggering my annoyance...

Now, I actually have evidence to the contrary of my belief. I can think of many times that I have had a stressful, pothole-ridden, stuck-in-traffic drive and then instantly felt joy upon being in the presence my family or friends. That’s unfortunate, because now it’s a thing I can remind myself and use to encourage more driving and outings. Ugh, living toward your values means you have to put in more effort. It’s way easier to avoid.

I say all this, not just to get sympathy and agreement on the terrible plight of driving in Atlanta, but to stimulate your thinking about your own avoidance. What’s driving it [cheeky, I know]? Are you operating on a core fear that is not even realistic? Are you trying to avoid not only the situation, but a certain set of emotions?

Have fun going down this rabbit hole! I hope it stimulates some movement toward values-based behaviors and away from avoidance that is in some way decreasing the quality of your life. Comment below!