I’m the Problem, It’s Me

Most people with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) do not present to therapy on their own because they do not have a problem with their behavior. People with OCPD are the high achievers of the world. They likely perform and achieve at a high level and use that as their marker of success. Their behaviors are what we call ego-syntonic: they align with their values and don’t cause distress. The distress comes from their thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs interacting with others’.

When people with OCPD present for therapy, it tends to be for a different problem. Maybe they’re feeling depressed or dealing with a threatened or actual breakup of their romantic relationship or lost their job. They’re likely viewing others as the main problem in their lives:

My boyfriend just can’t load the dishwasher correctly. It’s not that hard.

My employees can’t take a critique. Gen Zers are too soft.

There’s just not enough time in the day to get all my tasks completed!

The hardest lesson to learn in OCPD treatment is “I’m the problem” in certain situations. Maybe because you’re so used to having high standards yourself, you criticized your boyfriend to his breaking point. Maybe your employees are having a hard time with critiques because you expect perfection and never praise the good things they do. Maybe you can’t get your to-do list checked off because your idea of what should be done or how long should take to complete it is unrealistic.

Even though that sounds hard to admit, it can be really freeing! Oh, that’s a “me” thing. Other people don’t think that way. Other people don’t have that high standard. Other people are okay with mediocrity. Because that opens the door to: maybe I can think about things that way, too.

Thoughts? Comment below!

P.S. Now you have to go listen to this.